Worth Your Respect

I may not be remarkable but I am worth your respect.

I may never be famous, have an amazing body, have perfect makeup or hair, I may never be more than a mom to you but I am worth your respect.

I may seem worthless since I have no job, “no friends” in your eyes, no fashion sense, the house is always messy, and I wear t-shirts everyday but I am worth the world.

I may just be a mom and wife to you but I’m more than that. I am a woman. A woman with thoughts and dreams. A woman with complex feelings. A woman who knows exactly what she wants and will fight the world to get it. I am a woman that is worth something.

I may seem heartless at times but I care. I care how I’m treated and I care how others are treated.

I may seem to lose control of myself, but I don’t. I know how I’m acting; I know how I’m treating you. I do everything with a purpose.

I may seem weak, awkward, shy, ugly, and clumsy. I may seem rude, mean, or thoughtless. I may look unintelligent. I may say stupid jokes, speak before I think, or ramble on. I may have self-esteem issues, OCD and panic attacks. I may be scared of the dark and of horror movies. I may have problems, but…I am worth your respect.

I am strong, beautiful, graceful and outgoing. I am nice, a sparer of feelings, and thoughtful. I am intelligent. I am funny, speak my mind, and have a lot to say. I am a normal human being. I have fears and am stronger for them. I am a woman who deserves your respect.

I may never change the world, but I can change someone’s world.

I am a woman that God made, that’s what makes me special.

I am woman that is worth your respect.

Lately...

At the PUMPKIN PATCH!

He was taking a little stroll to find that perfect pumpkin.And here it is!

And here's my new hair cut (that I love!!)!! And my 15 week baby bump, I'll get a picture from the side too.

"Terrible Twos"

I hate that name for this stage. Mainly because I hate calling my child "terrible." I think "troublesome twos" could work better or "we(the parents)shouldbemoreThoughtful Twos.

My amazing, sweet, smart, loving son had a complete and total demon-trying-to-get-out meltdown yesterday. 3 times. All three times I knew exactly why the said meltdown was happening, and the first time it was all I could do to not laugh because it was so astonishing that he was doing that...all for chocolate cake.

Yesterday, Aiden had extended day at school (which means his nap gets pushed from the usual 12noon to about 3) but then my battery died picking him up, so we go to my dad's to get a replacement (which pushed back his nap even longer), we then get home and he sees a chocolate cake we would be taking to a dinner that night....he wants it and he wants it now. I explain to him that he can have it just later. The dreaded "later."

It begins. He starts yelling, screaming that half bent over, red in the face, body shaking scream. 3 times. He starts to pace a little, he swings his hand like he's going to hit me and all I do is hold my hands out to pick him up. I make no moves toward him, I don't say anything and at first he screams no but he eventually gives and holds me tight. I just stand there, swaying; never saying anything or moving anywhere. (Because I know chances are he will think I'm going to go put him in bed and another larger freak-out moment will begin) So eventually I ask if he wants to go sit on the couch and he says he wants to and wants to watch a movie. OK. Getting somewhere, he's talking normally again. He eventually passes out on the couch. OK.

Later, I didn't handle it so well...We won't go into the gory details, but yelling from both sides was going on. But looking back on it, he was again overtired because of the dinner we attended and it was waay past his bedtime.

Fast forward to 4am...Mike wakes Aiden up abruptly because he is peeing all over him (heh) so Aiden goes to the bathroom were he just starts bawling...because he can't pee anymore. Then we have a small meltdown because he refuses to put more underwear on...because he doesn't want to wet them again. Aww poor guy! He screams again, I just hold him again and eventually he puts on undies, shorts, and a new shirt (more than I was requiring of him at what was now 4:15am). He wanted to go in the livingroom (because he was mad at Daddy) but settled for sleeping directly on top of me...then eventually settled (because it was killing my now super-sensitive stomach) on wrapping his legs around mine and sleeping with his head on my chest.

The whole point to this long, drawn out, over stated post??? Yeah, my 2-year-old is having some crazy emotions. Yeah, he acts crazier than me pmsing. But I can help him understand and work through all of this with...LOVE. O my goodness, she said what?! Shocking, I know...Understanding and patience is also a HUGE part of it too, a HUGE PART! But all I did was hold him, and he changed his 'tude pretty damn fast. And I felt amazing because it was so rewarding to show him he can rely on me to support his feelings and be there for him.

Folks, love those incredibly challenging 2 year olds and stop calling them terrible. They are trying to find who they are, express themselves, and are wanting more independence. Help them find their way with love, patience and understanding of why they are acting that way.

I love my son. Even if he's screaming so loud that I think a demon is trying to get out. :)

Fairytales

Fairy tales just aren't real.

I've never seen a pregnant out-of-wedlock woman (nevertheless princess), a divorced couple, an abuse case, or a "blended family" on any Disney movies. But yet that's what there is.

There is no Prince Charming, there is no one to come rescue you from a bad situation, there is no breaking out into song. Maybe there is a reason you don't typically see Disney make any movies that show the couple after that wedding kiss (except for The Princess and The Frog) or a couple with kids.

Nobody tells you what marriage and life can be like, should be like, or what it sure-as-hell-shouldn't be like. Fairy tales are just fantasies. Even if you have that wedded-bliss crap, it doesn't last long and when it stops and real life starts--it ain't singing and dancing anymore.

You fight over the toilet paper, the toothpaste, who does the dishes, where to put your socks, who mows the lawn. You fight over how one parents the child, how they speak to you, how they make you feel like the worst person in the world, how there's never enough sex, and even how one doesn't do enough for the other. That isn't a fairytale I've ever heard.

In fairytales there are princes that are gorgeous, well built, and have great clothes and manners. There are princesses that might have started off at the bottom but in secret they are beautiful, good singers, and are dainty, sweet, perfectly sculpted women. Ha, that's all I have to say. The man takes one look at a woman and finds her irresistible, not for sex but for her love. He takes her into his arms and looks deep into her eyes and kisses her passionately, again not because sex is on his mind (maybe it is) but because that's how deeply he is in love with her.

Where is that in the real world?

If you have one of those relationships, I'm extremely happy that you're one of the Disney princesses who found their prince, and I hope for nothing less for you.

Obviously, I'm not one of those princesses. Therefore, I have all but given up on those fairytales. I have caught myself scoffing at the love scenes in movies, changing the channel on that amazing, love inspired kiss, and I've even taken to watching movies with other plots than 2 people falling in love. I know there is real love out there, I just haven't experienced it.

Whew.

So here lately Aiden has been a terror towards me. It makes my job even harder, which is discouraging. He's been screaming at me, hitting, purposely ignoring me, whining at everything I say, and fighting tooth and nail. I'm at my wit's end, and it takes everything I have not to just whoop his behind and send him to his room. But alas, I must teach him, even if it kills me. Yesterday I was at my grandparent's house working on the loom and Aiden was in with them and he was polite, asked for things, and acted like my normal Aiden, it was then that I realized that I shouldn't be taking it so close to heart, or worrying that he was misrepresenting our family in public by acting like that, but that it is "just me." I'm the mom, the disciplinarian, the one he's around the most so of course he's going to act like that. I guess I've just had it easy up til now. Still, I wish those days were back.

However, he did do one amazing thing yesterday after he screamed at my in front of my grandparents as we were leaving..."I'm really sorry for yelling at you." He apologized for his actions without even a talking-to from me! It shows me that I am doing a good job and that he does know his manners, even if he doesn't always use them towards me.

Some other things that have been going on:
We went to the aquarium on Friday, and Aiden found his love of stingrays! He sat by their tank just watching them for about 20 minutes. :) And he even got to feed them and to almost touch them. After leaving there we were headed to our next destination when we got into our first fender bender in this car. That kind of ruined my Friday, but it did make me appreciate my couch even more.

I got another 29 inches done on the loom in 3 1/2 hours! There's only about 29 inches left too!

And the best news of all...as most of you know Mikey and I have been having a rough time here lately, mainly fighting a lot and both of us saying hurtful things. However, we had a breakthrough last weekend and it's been the most wonderful week with each other. We've been kinder to each other, I feel like he is sensitive to my roller coaster emotions, and I've been better towards his needs, and I've been cooking more (even if it doesn't taste very good, I'm trying!). There always needs to be work to be done but I feel like we took a giant leap over this past week.

I'll post pictures as soon as I have the energy to upload them. :)

Sorry for the lack of update!

Hey everyone! I'm back finally! I've been busy and not had too much to write about. But here's what has been going on...

I'm pushing through with school, although I really want to drop speech right now.

I'm currently 11 1/2 weeks along! I had my first midwife appointment last Friday and everything looked great! I got my blood drawn with no incident (severely terrified of needles). The midwife said there's only one baby! lol When I was pregnant with Aiden they thought I might be having twins because of how big I was already (turns out I just carry really far forward), so she wanted to make sure this time too.

And yesterday I found a new hobby to do that I love!! Weaving on a loom! My grandma is teaching me how to work on her's and I'm making a scarf of my family tartan! I worked for 5 hours yesterday with a short break for lunch. We got everything re-threaded and I started weaving and by the time it was time to go home I had weaved a whole foot!! I couldn't stop smiling, it's very cool seeing it go from yarn to actual fabric! I really enjoyed it.

I can't think of much else right now, so until the next time I get inspiration...