I Have Been Blessed

3 weeks and 3 years

The other day I had a rough one.
Aiden was being good but very touchy, talky, and in my space.
Tristan wouldn't stop crying screaming his head off, throwing up, or just be ok with me not holding him while...you know...I peed.
I cried a little, got really frustrated and finally just went to bed.

The next day I had a counseling appointment and a holistic healing appointment
and when I got home I felt A-MAZING!

Then when my boys were clingy I could actually appreciate it.
Especially in the midst of a local family losing 2 of their 3 children in a violent storm.

I soaked in every moment of my oldest holding onto my arm
and my youngest nursing and sleeping cuddled in my arms.

I try to remember to love when my son comes in at 7am to crawl in the now empty side of my bed and relax in the dark with me until I finally drag myself to an upright position.

And I do.
I love having cuddly boys.
They make me feel complete.

I love the messes they make, their cries, their little hands that seem to get every where, I love their smiles, and I love knowing they are all mine.

I'm trying to soak in every moment I can because I know that they are passing way too fast.

And I don't want to miss a thing.

Life Like I Never Knew

My life has now imploded on top of me.

My husband left me.

Gone as of Saturday.

Don't get me wrong he's still in the picture, seeing his kids, helping pay for bills, but he's not in our home any longer.

I have no idea where things are going next but I don't have much hope right now.

I started seeing a counselor but he says he will not see or talk to anyone--that we can work this out ourselves. I have to say...if we haven't worked ANYTHING out in the past three years...we aren't going to-without help.

I'm more concerned about how this will affect our kids, we're adults and we'll manage, but they are too young to fully understand. Especially Aiden, he's old enough to know something is different but not why.

Please pray for my now-broken family. Pray for healing, understanding, and for whatever God thinks is best to happen.

Hello, My Name is Tiffany and I have ADHD

Yup, that's right Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I have known I've had it since I was very young but only now do I realize the havoc it has wreaked on my life, every single part of it.

I have a hot temper which gets set off very quick.
I speak/act before I think.
I overreact to things said to me and actions of others.
When I leave a social situation I beat myself up for possibly sounding stupid or acting a certain way.
I can't finish projects I start (I have 6 crochet projects going on right now...).
It feels like there's about 10 things going on in my head at once. (Which is why I get overwhelmed with noise easily.)
I can NEVER sit still.
I talk a lot. A LOT.
I have to do at least two things at once most hours of the day.
And as an adult I have to have things scheduled, organized, and planned to death, just to feel like I have some sort of control. (Which also explains why I have to have my way all the time, which makes me look like a controlling wife)

All this explains soo much! It explains why when Mike and I have an argument I seem to only make things worse, and I overreact, and just why we butt heads to begin with.

All of this makes me feel incredibly crazy. Like I might go off the deep-end crazy. But I know I can control it, and without medication. I know because I know I'm strong enough, that and there are people around me who can help and support me.

So if any of this sounds like you, it might be worth looking in to. Just know you're NOT crazy. This is a daily struggle for me and at times I can feel very anxious and even depressed which explains some of my posts here and on Facebook. But here are some sites for help.

http://psychcentral.com/addquiz.htm
http://www.adult-adhd.com/

My Mother's Day

Well Mother's Day for me was a special treat,
especially after the horrendous disaster of my birthday...

Hubby had to work the night before and morning of Mother's Day so I was alone with those that made me a mother in the first place,
and I woke up with both boys in my bed and it was wonderful but as soon as I got up
I got grumpy.

It was because all I saw was the mess ALL around me, and as I was sitting on the couch holding my youngest and having a pity party I realized my sweet older one was outside playing on the patio
by himself on a glorious morning!

I thought to myself:
Why am I sitting in here when I could be spending time with him outside?!

So out I went. I got out our new lawn chairs, got my favorite coffee, and just sat. I watched Aiden play and nursed Tristan and texted with my husband until it got too hot.

Then when Hubby got home he managed to get a card AND gift to surprise me.
Now when it comes to gift-giving my husband tries hard but I am a hard woman to please...He gets me things he thinks I want instead of what I actually ask for.

But this time he nailed it!

He got me a Willow Tree statue of two brothers. I have been wanting to our collection of one for a long time now and what better one to choose than one that represents those that actually made Mother's Day for me!

Then he told me I could order the rings I've been wanting for awhile (Handmade with initials from Etsy) and that he would have but he didn't know how I wanted them made. No problem :)

THEN he said he would either make me dinner or we could go out, I chose go out since I don't get that option too often. :)

And while he took a much needed nap (after working 16 hours straight) I took the time to relax, watch a movie I'd been wanting to see for sometime, visit my dearest mom, and took one more longing look at the messiest house ever and said "Eh, that's what tomorrow's for."

And that was that.

Happy Mother's Day.